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It's easy to imagine why I wasn't ready to accept my reality at sixteen. It took me 24 years, a marriage and three children to actually utter the words "I'm gay." You won't be."ĭespite a bedroom covered in Madonna posters and a secret obsession with my mother's Mary Kay makeup and highest heels, I'd deny it all. As quickly as the thought came into my head, my inner-dialogue, knee-jerk response was even quicker, "Nope. I lived in a rural, conservative and deeply religious mid-western community on a pig farm. I'm not exactly sure what triggered the realization, but there it was. Out of nowhere, I was sideswiped with a life-changing epiphany: "Matt, you're gay." It was 1989 and I was on the way home from my after-school shift at the local Dairy Queen. I was barreling down the Iowa country highway in my old Chevette, jamming to Madonna's "Like A Prayer" album.
#HANDSOME GAY MEN OVER FORTY SERIES#
This is the first in a series of essays about my journey. That paragraph has stuck with me since the day I read it. We pave the sunlit path toward justice together, brick by brick. All it does is allow me to look at those pictures and know that I'm doing my part, however small, to help others. I don't pretend that writing this puts me in their league. " When I arrive in my office each morning, I'm greeted by framed photos of Dr. When Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, officially came out as gay, he ended his letter by saying: Maybe those who have already come out will be able to relate to my story - we are not alone in this. But, perhaps I can provide someone contemplating coming out later in life some comfort, if not courage.
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I don't pretend to have all of the answers. Now that I'm on the other side of coming out, I want to share my experience. Obviously I wasn't the first, or the last, but it certainly felt that way while I was in the thick of it. Like I was the only person in the world - a 40 year old, newly-single gay dad with twin toddlers and a teenage son - going through the coming out process. When I came out, I felt completely alone.